This is the stage when you begin to notice a change in your loved one. Often this occurs between the ages of 16 to 25, but not
always. Some mental illness symptoms creep up slowly. You notice little things, but can’t quite put your finger on what it is. For others, symptoms hit suddenly and the change is dramatic. It seems that one day your loved one is fine, the next very different.
The transition stage may include receiving the diagnosis of a serious mental illness. It is not unusual, though, for families to go through this stage without knowing why their loved one has diagnosable illness.
For the family member this stage is marked by confusion, chaos, and shock. Whether the transition happens gradually over a length of time or suddenly, it is the same. As family members, we are at loss to explain, even to ourselves, what is happening.
During the transition phase, you may experience denial. You’ll want to make everything look like is is normal, or it’s going to be normal again. Because it’s hard to believe that the diagnosis is true. This is, in part, due to our own lack of knowledge about serious mental disorders. It also stems from wanting to protect ourselves and our loved ones. We hope against hope that it is not true.
One mom described her feelings about her daughter’s change,
I was hurt. She threw away jewelry I had bought for her, because she thought it had some evil connection. I don’t know what bothered my the most, the fact that I had bought it because she wanted it or the fact it was expensive. I kept telling myself she was going through a phase of trying to create her own identity. I didn’t even consider it was something so serious.
If there isn’t a diagnosis yet, confusion may reign. You see the bizarre behavior. You may even hurt by rejections from your loved, as the mom above. Often our loved ones may be arrested, and we’re at a lost to explain how a bright young person with promising future declined so much. This sets a whole new set of emotions in play.
When my son was arrested, I tried to deny his guilt. I could not imagine, however petty the crime may have been, that he was involved. I didn’t tell anyone. When asked how he was doing, I just answered “fine” with no details. Even though his dad and I had been told that he needed psychiatric help several years before, we were determined that he “out grow it.”
During the transition, you need support and comfort from others who are traveling the same road with you. Supporters can empathy with your confusion and pain. They also can point you to resources to help you through this emotional stage.
You may also fall back into this stage when your loved one experiences a relapse. The shock and chaos of the crisis puts us back where we started from. Just when your loved seems well on the road to recovery, something triggers another crisis.But if you’ve gotten support, you will have a group of fellow travelers to carry you through.
My transition took several years. Others have gone through it in a matter of weeks. No matter your situation, don’t go it alone. Find support either in the form of an in-person support group or an online resource.
How have you handled the transition? What is your most valuable resource?
Online support at The Family group.
